will the door knob ever turn again

How come I feel so sad when I think about the doorknob turning, the jingle of keys, the clang of the metal grills you try to mute and the thud of the wooden door? And the fumbling sound of shoes being taken off and placed on the rack.

What did I feel then? I cannot remember for sure. I felt a sense of familiarity, a little tinge of excitement perhaps? Wondering if you brought anything interesting.. Anything for me? Perhaps I romanticise.

Whatever. Why does it matter anyway.

I just know how much I detest and despise you now.
You could have just jumped off. Then I would have more concrete fodder to pass the night with when I can't sleep.

What were You thinking as You traced behind me? For what do you cry for. When you and I know nothing is going to change. Your suitcases are still there. Obstructing. Hindering. Ugly reminders we can do without. Take them away. Everything in the storeroom too. Go away.

Go to kokomo. ( haha )

a piece of crap i want to validate

Dear __

Do you know how disappointing it is for me when you leave without saying goodbye? That is the least you could do short of waiting for me to go off together right? But you do not bother.

I have so many things to tell you, to ask you and everytime I lose a chance to do so, my heart sinks.

It is really so tiring for me to like you. I feel rather dumb too, as my interest is not reciprocated.

I must say you are very cute to me. Your smile never fails to induce a bigger one on my face.

I really hope to be a closer friend to you.

And this shall remain a letter you shall never know of.

For now, let me find in myself the strength and determination to do my own thnings.

Me.
_________________________________________________________


I wrote that a few years back, while on the bus home feeling dejected.

hahahahahaha

a slice in time of my life...on a piece of foolscap. Melancholy? Fondness? Sentimentality? tinge of sorrow? ( indulging a bit too much haha) What do I know what do I feel.

It is sad how everything doesn't really matter after time passes. The feelings either morph away or remains in that slice of time. Taking a life of its own, staying there, growing, shrinking, fading, whatever. It just stays there. Waiting for you to remember it. Waiting for something to trigger your memory of it. So that it can come back to make you feel cold again.

Just go away. that sickening watery you. too soft and weak-willed for my liking.