My Classmate

hi my secondary 3 and 4 classmate died yesterday night.

while i was idling, watching the serial 'perfect cut', she lay dying on the hospital bed.

i went for her cremation ceremony today. She lies in her coffin which lies on a metallic machine which goes 'di di di' in increasing intensity as it inches towards the door of the furnace.

someone cries out her name when the doors of the furnace closed.

we are both in the prime of our lives.

in her blog, i saw an entry posted on the 27th july 2007. she was expressing her joy of being cured of cancer. she need only to have a scan to double confirm and from then on closely monitor her body for 5 years. then everything would be fine.

and today she was cremated.today is the 25th of july 2008. why should she die, it hasn't been even one year. she was happy and hopeful then. she wouldn't know.who would have known that 2 days short of one year from that happy and optimistic entry she would be cremated. ashes ashes ashes.

pretty, cheery 18 years old girl.

she was still alive yesterday. and today she is ashes.

please rest in peace.
really, heaven makes a sport of people.

waking up

so of course i got my retribution for breaking my own promises. This is a blessing in disguise , thankfully =) or ill just get into deeper and stickier mess. thank you for showing me that a different way is possible. this just reminds me that to get myself out of this rut, i just have to get out of the rut myself and look for and embrace new possibilities.

hope it doesn't get worse. hope everything would be fine and not just at the surface. for just being fine at the surface isn't fine at all.

thank you Hui Qi for reminding me for I am a very forgetful person. Thanks! =) tomorrow i shall be attending a pre-celebration of my Nation's birthday, my official renewal ceremony will be together with it! as i smile watching my sister in her formation. the hard work and cooperation of many is needed to come up with the national day parade. for me, i only need to summon up the fiery pride and determination and resilience in myself. LArgely A one-person show, what is so difficult? Just do it and stop thinking!. as he says, waste time not at the crossroads! much less for me, it is just a straight and direct road trodden successfully by thousands. Why not me? yes, SO it shall be ME.

Goodbye and see you there next year, this occasion =).

goodnight
Tan Zhun En

remembers and acts upon her yellowed thoughts.

Let history not be re-written and me to Smile next year, today.

Landing, landing. landing.

Hi! you know what? today is the first time in many many years gone by that i managed to complete my Chinese paper!! This is regardless of the content and quality of my answers. But still! I finished the whole paper!!!! Can you feel my happiness? =D ! I was trying not to skip too much as I walked back from school =). OH heY ! I finished my paper! =))). For a few moments I felt that perhaps there is hope yet. I must keep the flame of this hope burning! It is simmering down a little now as I contemplate the huge amount of things I must memorise and digest ( Yes Tan Zhun En YOU have no other way to go BUT to memorise. WHO ASK YOU TO BE A DUMB BIRD? just admit and accept that you are a dumb bird. Fly First! =)...Hehehe i wonder why i am so happy? people are happy that theyre gonna get A. and im happy that ive completed a paper. which is the minimum i ought to do. WEll, this is a reminder about how far behind I am!! still, an improvement is an improvement. Go Bird GO! go and practice flying and stop daydreaming.

Oh for the matter, my little fantasy which Ive nurtured thus long was unceremoniously deflated as I walked out of the class room today. Hi Zhun En. lol.








One day, I will be a man.