LOL seriously.Squeeze it and you realize -Where was the essence?

What had I felt anyway. 'Anyway' is such a word of inertia it should be banned. It smacks of uncertainty, of hindsight or lack thereof that came too late. Of a laid-back nonchalance-the default emotion to take on when you feel nothing. Or perhaps helpless? To feel nothing is sometimes because you don't know what to feel and you somehow desperately want to feel something. To feel something that will validate it. Yet nothing can validate it. So superficial and transient.

I would like to feel otherwise. I would like to feel a deep ache and longing worthy of being described as 'like hell' too.Would I ever? And would I ever be the subject of such desirably painfully sweet 'like hell' longings too?

I wonder and I smirk.